I don’t know if my “art style” has changed for the better… in fact sometimes I find myself wishing I could draw like how I used to. But it’s not like I could do anything about that now! Hahaha! I just hope that whatever progress I am making as a frustrated artist is something that could be considered as improvement and not a downgrade of sorts~
I’ve been writing stories as a hobby ever since I was in third grade, but I’ve been keeping diaries/journals long before that. I’ve always talked about my day as if I were talking to myself… which is pretty much a little more candid compared to how I talk normally. A few days ago, I realized “My life’s a story too. Why can’t I write it in the same way I would write a novel?”
And so let me share to you my entry for January 9 2012. I also have an entry for January 8, but it isn’t worth posting here (and it’s rather… too personal to share.) Today’s entry has yet to be written, as well as the rest of my life… I’d leave those for next time 
Monday, January 9, 2012 8:56 AM cellphone time
My first day of school in the new year & I have already done so much. I woke up rather early, around 7:30 (AM) cellphone time. I took a shower but skipped washing my hair, and afterwards I curled my mane and tied it to a half ponytail. I wore my Wonder Woman shirt with acid wash Seven jeans & yellow-and-silver Le Pommier handed-downs. I had red bean pao for breakfast as I walked to school and I arrived a few minutes too early. The first person to join me was Ivana, and she commented that “this is the first time” I “show my hair. Looks quite different.” Although she said “quite” as “quiet”. She also said that my face seemed thinner and this line shall forever be a compliment.
David let us off early so that translates to being laptop-less & with nothing to do. Not. I had 2-in-1 riceballs from Mr. bean for lunch plus a hefty slice of papaya, then I indulged in To Kill a Mockingbird, of which I am in page 184 as we speak. I had finished reading “ttfn” yesterday; as well as unpacking my bags & redecorating my desk, so today I did one load of laundry (I basically have about 3 more to attend to, oh joy) and did a little brainstorming for David’s project. Not much could be done since I hadn’t done any research yet. I was planning on doing Tony Moly for the project but I decided to go with Toys R Us instead. Vogue was one of the options as well. I had been visualizing Transformers, Real Steel, and Beyblade in my design, so when David told me that stuffed toys could be tricky to layout I felt like I was in a blur.
On other news I called Sapura 3 times before I finally got past the answering machine on the 4th time. I had inquired about my case & I was informed that I would be able to get my replacement (the power adaptor for my laptop charger) by tomorrow, which is a relief. I do not entirely miss my laptop, & I definitely don’t feel the urge to read manga right now.
I have always believed that everything my mom has made do ALWAYS had a side to it that would benefit me in the future – and this was one of those episodes. Let me explain. In third grade she scolded me for handling the broomstick wrongly, and patiently demonstrated “how sweeping was done.” – this is a lesson I have applied various times, but my current situation as an occupant of a shared hostel room is one of the more obvious & prominent ones.
Also, reminiscing all those gloomy afternoons filled with minutes that dragged on to what might have been hours full of hand washing the whole family’s soiled underwear (well, except my dad’s) because I had to learn how to do hand wash at one point; plus the grueling but reasonable task of having to wash my own blood-stained garments all helped in preparing me for the “perils” of doing all of one’s laundry once one assumes “independence”. My experience in washing the dishes after almost every mealtime did not go to waste, either.
In light to my current situation, mom resumed her parental duties of setting curfews and restrictions the moment I set foot in our house in CDO last Christmas for a week-long break. She was not able to properly impose & monitor my obedience to her rules when I was away, (but believe me I have been quite obedient considering my nature, age, situation & amount of resources) and I had also missed the feeling of having someone to pine over me & judge my habits, so I agreed to her “requests” without so much as a second thought.
“Sleep early,” she said. Funny enough I had been sleeping at 1 AM at the earliest the week before, but back home I felt groggy by 11 PM.
“No manga & anime,” she said sternly. This was hard to imagine, since I basically lived & breathed kawaii at this point. (My mental reaction could be easily translated as “NANI?!” but I happily accepted the challenge.”) My brother also indulged over shounen himself, and although I have read & watched more titles compared to anyone in the family, my dad was the one who really influenced us both. As a kid, Cartoon Network brought me Akazukin ChaCha, but my dad brought home Samurai X, Eyeshield 21, and Peacemaker Kurogane. My cousins were also big influences, since they watched Dragonball, Flame of Recca, and Ghost Fighter religiously when we were younger. I now realize that I have been exposed to too much testosterone as a kid, & I am not shocked at my sometimes “manly” habits nowadays. The other week, my brother and father were particularly fixated with Beelzebub, and I only joined in on them since it was my only chance to watch Anime without being scolded or told on, plus it was funny & they were watching it on my laptop. When nobody was watching it, I’d minimize the media player & go about my tweetin’ business, since even until now I could not stomach disobeying my mother. I have probably done it a couple of times – all of which I couldn’t remember – but in the recent years I’d like to think that I have a clean record. Almost. I try.
And so I went almost 2 weeks without any manga or anime (I only watched parts of episodes 1 & 2 of Beelzebub, then a few doses of episode 40-something) but I did download manga updates of Skip Beat! but up nil now they remain zipped. As of this breathing moment I have gone 2 weeks & 1 day (A/N: make that 2 days) without what was once the habitual sugoi, & only settling at sighing at the photos of my fictional boyfriends, whose purpose and intensity of affection depend on the biases of my heart – whose tastes rivals the comings and goings of the season’s trends on fashion runways; and whether or not I have recently indulged in the series the character was from.
As a way of “coping” with this sudden bombardment of *eons* of free time, I have never felt such long days in Singapore. I have been pacing my life relaxingly, and I have been getting things done without having to sacrifice comfort. I am liking this whole new laid-back feel, and the best part is I have been getting enough rest & I am constantly full yet entertained. I do not know how long this will last, since I have only 1 book left unread & I am already halfway through To Kill a Mockingbird, plus I am also going to be reunited with my laptop soon… let us see how it goes. My current disinterest in Anime & heightened thirst for the printed word might only be short-lived, but I hope it stays for as long as it could. I do not wish to deprive myself too much, so I won’t set any restrictions for myself… I am old enough to be wary of my own boundaries. …I believe.
At the very least I do not want to be separated from Ciel Phantomhive.
I might have to stay away from Soul and Kidd and Black Star and Cain and Izaya and Len and all my other flings whose names I cannot recall due to the blaring of PSG’s Fallen Angel from my earbuds – which reminds me of my short but innocent attraction to Brief – I would not be able to fully let go of the ~evil~ Phantomhive noble. Which also leads me to pointing out that most – if not all – of my hot (albeit fictional) boyfriends come from shounen titles. In all honesty I hate how overly cheezy, perfect, and mostly stuck-up most male leads in shoujo manga are. Which also leads me to remembering Josei series Nana, which is home to the also-underage-but-he-is-my-age-so-that-doesn’t-make-me-pedo Shin whose over-all character makes me overlook his vices and unhealthy relationship with Reira.
Going back to topic.
My mom’s restrictions have already conditioned my mind in such a way that when my laptop charger died on me, I did not feel deprived of anything. Although I have been living off of the internet for probably most of my life by now, it is good to know that I am still able to survive & function well (if not better) without it. I am able to accomplish a lot of things without it, and I feel more relaxed generally. I like this. I might stick to this routine more. I might also start buying books from San bookshop to keep me company.
Also yesterday night I slept at around 12 since I finished a motivational poster, which I made using leftover Idea Generation paper and quotations from one of dad’s talks with me, whose lines were conveniently sprawled in what is now my laundry log book.
I also checked my grades today & I am just as psyched as my numerical equivalents are. It may be a Merit (A/N: this is the second highest mark you could get, the highest being a Distinction. After Merit comes Credit, then Pass, and then Fail.) but this is my first time getting a 75 in my card. Oh, please. I feel happy that I got all Merits, but the inner high schooler in me is EXTREMELY dissatisfied at this performance. I don’t know if I should blame my laziness last term or if I should be ashamed of my mindset that anything under 90 should not be celebrated. I blame my high school for their high standard. But that isn’t exactly a problem though, since it’s actually helping me in the same way my mother’s lectures did… Oh, my life is a novel in itself. Now, back to Scout and Jem’s antics…
end 10:12 PM xx
“I could get by without communication, but I doubt I’d survive without my music”
/end Journal quotation
That was probably my longest journal entry EVER. It spanned a total of 12 pages and it had no drawings whatsoever… it took me over an hour to write as well. Imagine.
